This is what your financial mediation looks like from the moment you arrive: how the agenda gets built, what we ask you, and what you will decide together. Reading it beforehand is the best preparation there is.
The session runs on what you bring to it. Two things make the biggest difference:
Whether you're in person or online, when you arrive, I'll meet with you each individually in separate rooms. This gives us an opportunity to meet together individually and talk about any updates or concerns you may have before we get going.
When we sit together, I'll make sure everyone has a coffee or tea and feels ready to begin. I'll talk a bit about confidentiality and some of the “rules of the game”. I'll review the overall session and the structure of the discussions.
To be honest, I do this mainly to let you catch your breath and get situated. Most people feel anxious at the beginning of the meeting, so I take centre stage first and once you're settled in I'll turn the discussion to you.
Now the conversation becomes yours. I'm there to facilitate, but you and your spouse will start to flesh out the important aspects of the discussion.
I'll ask you each: What do you want to discuss in mediation?
This is to establish a shared agenda. As you're reading the Mediation Agenda right now, you can see that there is an overall method to discuss the topics we generally need to cover, but this is your opportunity to confirm the pieces that relate to you and your family, and you may add on some matters that might be pressing or unique to your family.
The next question I'll ask you is: What was the reason you agreed to be here today? To work together as opposed to against one another?
This is an opportunity to set the tone for the conversation and share how you'd like to approach it. This is when you can share what is important to you about how you handle your separation, how you want to honour your relationship, or maybe it's simply about cost and efficiency. Whatever is driving you through the discussion, you want to share that.
Some common reasons may be:
We always start the financial discussion at a high level. We need to understand what is important to each of you financially, so that we know the direction we're heading. There are thousands of different ways to structure your financial separation in a legally fair way, but you should be in charge of the direction you go.
Ask yourself: What is important financially? What do you need us all to consider when we're making decisions?
Some values may include:
We may run a calculation for spousal support. For this calculation we focus on your incomes. It is important to upload your last three years of income tax returns and notices of assessment. If you own a business or run a corporation, we'll also need your financial statements. We're trying to figure out:
This is a prospective question, so most of us will not have a perfect answer, but we'll all be able to make an educated and informed guess based on past earnings and on what we know about the year ahead. Things can and may change. Don't worry. Spousal support may be adjusted on a material change of circumstances, so you're not necessarily locking in forever.
We may review lump sum options as well, if predictability and finality are important to you.
You've likely input your information into Divii. If you haven't, please take the time now to update that form. If the form is missing information, we have to use our time in mediation to update it. Search your inbox for the invitation I sent you; you must follow that specific link to log in to our shared file. When we come together to talk about property, we'll use the information you provided to define what assets and liabilities you currently have, and a plan for who will retain each one, or whether you'll sell it or continue to hold it together.
Make sure you have your values. If you want a value for your house, your pension, or your business or corporation, you may need to hire a professional to help with that.
It's always wise to explore your options before you come to mediation. Talk to a lender to see if you can take over the mortgage and buy your spouse out.
Shared expenses until property transfers are complete. Many people continue to pool their incomes and expenses and share them until the agreement is signed. If you choose to separate income and expenses earlier, you can use this spreadsheet to make sure you are on the same page about excluded expenses and shared responsibilities. Enter your names on the first page, then go to the Expense Schedule tab at the bottom.
Household furnishings, if you need to agree on a specific item or group of items. This spreadsheet shows how we'll approach it. Enter your names on the first page, then go to the Personal Property Schedule tab. You do not need to do this for everything, only items you both want or can't agree on. As a general rule you each keep personal items such as clothing, jewellery and sporting equipment, then agree on the rest between you. You don't need to list every fork and lightbulb, but you can use it to outline significant items you each value.
Holding extended health benefits: check whether your plan allows you to continue to hold your spouse.
Naming the other parent as a beneficiary of your life insurance. This is recommended to secure support payments. To discuss the options, check with your plan to see how much life insurance you have.
Once we have a sense of your financial interests, and some calculations about sharing income and property, we're ready to approach the final structuring. We often have this part of the discussion separately, so you're able to bounce ideas off me, ask questions, and process the information without your spouse present. Often people aren't sure what's reasonable or fair, and doing this separately allows us to discuss various options without judgment or upset.
Once you've settled on the structuring of your agreement, I'll tell you about the next steps.
And that's it. You'll have negotiated all the terms of your Separation Agreement, and the actual document will follow.
I always recommend looking your agreement over with a lawyer before you sign.
A free thirty-minute consultation costs nothing and commits you to nothing. You will leave knowing which path fits your situation and what it will cost.
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