This is what your parenting mediation looks like from the moment you arrive: how the agenda gets built, what we ask you, and what you will decide together. Reading it beforehand is the best preparation there is.
The session runs on what you bring to it. Two things make the biggest difference:
Whether you're in person or online, when you arrive, I'll meet with you each individually in separate rooms. This gives us an opportunity to meet together individually and talk about any updates or concerns you may have before we get going.
When we sit together, I'll make sure everyone has a coffee or tea and feels ready to begin. I'll talk a bit about confidentiality and some of the “rules of the game”. I'll review the overall session and the structure of the discussions.
To be honest, I do this mainly to let you catch your breath and get situated. Most people feel anxious at the beginning of the meeting, so I take centre stage first and once you're settled in I'll turn the discussion to you.
Now the conversation becomes yours. I'm there to facilitate, but you and your spouse will start to flesh out the important aspects of the discussion.
I'll ask you each: What do you want to discuss in mediation?
This is to establish a shared agenda. As you're reading the Mediation Agenda right now, you can see that there is an overall method to discuss the topics we generally need to cover, but this is your opportunity to confirm the pieces that relate to you and your family, and you may add on some matters that might be pressing or unique to your family.
The next question I'll ask you is: What was the reason you agreed to be here today? To work together as opposed to against one another?
This is an opportunity to set the tone for the conversation and share how you'd like to approach it. This is when you can share what is important to you about how you handle co-parenting, how you want to honour your relationship, or maybe it's simply about cost and efficiency. Whatever is driving you through the discussion, you want to share that.
Some common reasons may be:
We want to create a joint vision about what is in the best interests of the children. Under the law, the best interests of the children is the only consideration. This is your opportunity to define what you believe is in the best interests of your children.
I'll start by asking you to imagine your children when they're in their mid-twenties, sitting in a coffee shop with a new friend, talking about their childhoods. The friend says, “I didn't realize your parents separated when you were a kid. What was that like for you?” What would you want your child to say?
I ask this from the perspective of the children, because it forces a child-centred approach to the conversation, but you can also approach these topics from your own point of view.
We'll take this vision to form the intentions for our conversations around parenting responsibilities and parenting time.
Parenting responsibilities. We will sort out parenting responsibilities, which includes decision making. It's always wise to have a conversation about how you will approach decisions, and possibly create a process you can each follow to communicate smoothly and efficiently.
Parenting time. We're going to discuss a general parenting time approach, which may include a schedule, but doesn't have to. There are a few popular patterns worth reviewing beforehand: primary parenting schedules and shared parenting schedules.
With regard to holidays and special days, you can look at this spreadsheet to familiarise yourself with how we'll approach the discussion. Enter your names on the first page, then go to the Holiday Schedule tab at the bottom. This one can feel a bit overwhelming, but ultimately, for any day, you have three options:
There are other topics we'll cover, such as travel, telephone calls and FaceTime, and introducing new people to the children. You are always encouraged to bring up any other matters you feel are important to discuss.
We'll run a calculation for child support. For these calculations we focus on your incomes. It is important to upload your last three years of income tax returns and notices of assessment. If you own a business or run a corporation, we'll also need your financial statements. We're trying to figure out:
This is a prospective question, so most of us will not have a perfect answer, but we'll all be able to make an educated and informed guess based on past earnings and on what we know about the year ahead.
Things can and may change. Don't worry, you're not locking in forever. Child support may be adjusted on a material change of circumstances, and you should consider adjusting it each year, as the law specifies, to make sure it stays up to date.
Once you've settled on the structuring of your parenting plan, I'll tell you about the next steps.
And that's it. You'll have negotiated all the terms of your Separation Agreement, and the actual document will follow.
I always recommend looking your agreement over with a lawyer before you sign.
A free thirty-minute consultation costs nothing and commits you to nothing. You will leave knowing which path fits your situation and what it will cost.
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