Whether you are coming into the office or we are meeting on Zoom, it helps to be able to picture the day and prepare for it. Everything from where you sit to how the conversation runs is set out here, so you do not spend any energy worrying about the details.
Whether you are in person or online, when you arrive I will meet with you each individually, in separate rooms. That gives us a chance to talk about any updates or concerns before we get going.
When we sit together, I will make sure everyone has a coffee or tea and feels ready to begin. I will talk a little about confidentiality and the rules of the game, and review the shape of the session.
To be honest, I do that mainly to let you catch your breath and get situated. Most people feel anxious at the beginning, so I take centre stage first. Once you are settled in, I turn the discussion over to you.
If there is a dynamic between you that worries you, tell your mediator before the day. Sessions can run in separate rooms throughout, by shuttle, or online. That is ordinary and it is arranged quietly, but only if we know.
Mediation runs in person at 201-1842 Oak Bay Avenue, or online by Zoom. The process is identical either way. Plenty of families choose online because it is easier to arrange, and some choose it because being in separate places makes a hard conversation easier to have.
Everything from the start time to the parking to the food, so none of it is taking up room in your head on the day.
We start at 10:00 a.m., because many of us have to get children out of the house first. Take the early part of the morning to organise your family, grab a coffee, or review what is important to you.
If we are meeting on Zoom, your link is in your booking confirmation email.
There are two Robbins parking lots nearby. One is on Oak Bay Avenue between Fell Street and Bank Street. The other is under the medical office building, accessible off Bank Street.
Parking authorities do check the two-hour zones on the street, so the lots are the safer choice for a day this long.
Online or in person, I will meet with each of you individually for a few minutes, so you can speak with me privately before we get going.
It is an extension of our confidential pre-mediation session.
If you are coming into the office, there is water, coffee, tea and light snacks, on top of lunch.
If we are meeting online, please think about food and drink for yourself. It is a long and tiring day, and you genuinely need to stay hydrated and fed in order to think and make decisions.
If you are coming in, I will order lunch. If you have any dietary restrictions, let me know and we will order accordingly.
If we are meeting online, we break for lunch too. It can be ten minutes or as long as you need, but we make time for food either way.
We take as many or as few breaks as you need. At any point, ask for one: to speak with me alone, to use the washroom, to walk around the block.
This is your day and your conversation. I will accommodate whatever you need.
Mediation is a process, and I will walk you through the whole thing. I do not assume there will necessarily be conflict for me to mediate. I frame it as a strategic planning session for your family: given your separation, we plan the next phase carefully.
We start with two questions. What do you want resolved in mediation? and What were the reasons you chose to work together in mediation? Those frame the conversation and your intentions.
If you have children we usually move into parenting first, then work out finances. If you do not, we start with finances. Either way the shape is the same. We start high, outlining your intentions, values and goals. Then we look at the finer details of your circumstances. Finally we ask: given our circumstances, how can we structure this to meet the vision we set out?
I keep it all visual, so you are following along with me at every step, and you get copies of every document we use. You do not have to take notes.
I frame it as a strategic planning session for your family, not an argument to be refereed.
The session follows an agenda, and it is written out in full so you can read it before you come. Which one applies depends on what you are sorting out.
Parenting responsibilities, parenting time, holidays and travel, then child support.
Read this ›Your financial interests, spousal support, property and debt, then the final structuring.
Read this ›Both sides of the table, in the order the day actually runs. This is the full-day session.
Read this ›Sometimes we break in order to gather more information or get advice. This is normal. If you come to mediation without the information you need, it is difficult to make final decisions. We will do everything we can in the session, so you leave with plenty to think about and to show your lawyer, and if we need to break we will work that out together and plan a follow-up session.
In most cases, though, if you fill in the forms, upload your documents and have a sense of your options before you come, everything is finished in a single session.
Typically there is nothing to sign in the session. The only time that happens is if you attend with your lawyers and everyone agrees to create an agreement to sign at the end.
Otherwise I draft the agreement and send it out by email, along with every tool and visual we used, so you have the complete package to review.
A free thirty-minute consultation costs nothing and commits you to nothing. Or take the two-minute quiz and get a roadmap written around your answers.
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