How Mediation Is Used to Resolve Separation Agreements
If you are separating in Victoria or elsewhere in British Columbia, you may be wondering how to create a separation agreement without escalating conflict or turning the process into a legal battle. Whether you already have a general sense of how you would like to move forward or have not agreed on a single thing, a separation agreement is not something one person can create alone. It is a mutual plan that you and your spouse need to make together.
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There are many details to work through in order to create a solid plan. Family mediation offers a structured, facilitated process to help you plan, negotiate, and agree on the terms of your separation in a respectful and legally informed way. We work through the details together in real time, which keeps the process efficient and helps ensure the separation agreement is thorough and complete.
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I am a family lawyer and accredited family mediator based in Victoria, BC. I help separating spouses across British Columbia use mediation to reach agreements about parenting, support, and property, and then I draft clear, legally binding separation agreements that reflect those shared decisions.
A separation agreement is a written contract that sets out how you and your spouse will move forward after separation under British Columbia family law. It addresses the key decisions that shape life after separation, including parenting arrangements and decision-making, child and spousal support, the division of property and debts, and other practical matters specific to your family’s circumstances.
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Because a separation agreement is a contract, both people must agree to its terms. One spouse cannot impose a separation agreement on the other. In my experience as a family lawyer and mediator in Victoria, agreements created through one-sided drafting are often not accepted because they do not reflect a shared understanding of the plan. More often, they become a starting point for negotiations rather than a clear and workable agreement.
A Separation Agreement is a Mutual Plan Forward
Why Mediation Works for Creating
Separation Agreements in BC
If you are separating in Victoria or elsewhere in British Columbia, you may be wondering how to create a separation agreement without escalating conflict or turning the process into a legal battle. Whether you already have a general sense of how you would like to move forward or have not agreed on a single thing, a separation agreement is not something one person can create alone. It is a mutual plan that you and your spouse need to make together.
​
There are many details to work through in order to create a solid plan. In family mediation I facilitate a structured process to help you plan, negotiate, and agree on the terms of your separation in a respectful and legally informed way. We work through the details together in real time, which keeps the process efficient and helps ensure the separation agreement is thorough and complete.
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I am a family lawyer and accredited family mediator based in Victoria, BC. I help separating spouses across British Columbia use mediation to reach agreements about parenting, support, and property, and then I draft clear, legally binding separation agreements that reflect those shared decisions.
The Mediation Process for
Creating a Separation Agreement
Establish Goals and Values to Define Intentions
We start by stepping back from the legal and financial details to identify a shared direction for your family. Early in the process, we focus on your priorities around parenting, financial security, and how you want to move forward after separation. I record these priorities so they remain visible throughout our work together and continue to guide the conversation.
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This shared framework helps keep discussions productive when individual topics become difficult or emotionally charged. By returning to these priorities, we can move away from fixed positions and refocus on what you are each trying to achieve, helping decisions stay aligned with what matters most for your family’s future.
Sharing Information to Support Clear Decisions
We then turn to the specifics of your current circumstances. We review the information and documents exchanged in advance so that both of you are working from the same set of facts and have a clear picture of your finances, responsibilities, and practical realities.
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The purpose of this step is to ensure that future planning is grounded in accurate and shared information. When assumptions are tested and constraints are understood, decisions can be made with confidence and realism. This foundation supports clear, practical outcomes that can be documented carefully and relied on as you move forward.
Using Legal Information to Inform Decisions
Once your priorities and circumstances are clear, we look at how the legal framework applies. I provide legal information, explain relevant principles under British Columbia family law, and work through calculations where needed so you can evaluate different options and understand their real-world implications.
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The legal context does not determine your decisions. It offers structure and reference points that help distinguish fear from fact, allowing both of you to assess proposals with clarity and confidence as you work toward a shared outcome.
Reaching Practical Solutions
Once your priorities and current circumstances are clear, the focus shifts to identifying workable paths forward. This stage involves exploring options, weighing trade-offs, and considering how different choices fit within both your shared priorities and the legal framework. A structured process helps narrow the focus so discussions remain grounded in realistic and achievable solutions.
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We often compare scenarios, test assumptions, and think through how decisions will operate in day-to-day life after separation. Working through these possibilities together allows us to identify arrangements that are legally sound, practical to implement, and sustainable over time, and ready to be clearly documented in your agreement.
Drafting a Legally Binding Separation Agreement
Once you have reached agreement through mediation, I prepare the separation agreement to reflect the decisions you have made together. The agreement records those decisions clearly and sets out practical terms for how your family will function going forward.
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Drawing on my experience as a family lawyer, I draft separation agreements that meet legal requirements in BC. A well-drafted agreement does more than confirm your intentions. It is often required to implement financial arrangements, including property transfers, refinancing or obtaining a mortgage, and dividing pensions or other assets. If you are married, it also forms the foundation for the divorce process.
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The agreement is written to reflect shared decisions rather than adversarial legal positions. This focus on clarity and balance helps reduce the risk of confusion or conflict in the future and allows third parties, including financial institutions and the court, to rely on the document with confidence.
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One of the advantages of reaching a separation agreement through mediation is that most of the work is completed collaboratively. In mediation, you and your spouse work through approximately 90% of the planning, analysis, and decision-making together, with structured guidance throughout the process. Because this work is done jointly, costs are typically shared, which helps keep the process efficient and predictable.
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By the time mediation is complete, the substantive issues have already been addressed and the key decisions made. The agreement captures those shared outcomes, rather than positions developed through competing legal strategies. This approach often reduces both the time required and the expense associated with traditional negotiation.
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Before anything is finalized, each of you reviews the draft agreement to ensure it reflects your intentions and that you understand how it will operate in practice. You may then obtain independent legal advice prior to signing. This step allows each person to receive advice specific to their circumstances, strengthens the agreement’s enforceability, and provides added assurance that the process has been informed and fair.
Is Mediation the Right Process for you?
Creating a separation agreement through mediation allows you to involve lawyers where it matters most, while avoiding unnecessary duplication of work. By working together through the majority of the planning and decision-making, many couples are able to create a legally sound separation agreement more quickly and at a lower overall cost, without sacrificing clarity or protection.
Mediation works best when both people are willing to participate honestly, share information openly, and engage in the process in good faith. You do not need to agree on everything at the start. The process exists to help you work through uncertainty and reach shared decisions in a structured and supported way.
Mediation may not be appropriate in situations involving serious safety concerns or ongoing coercive control. Part of my role is to assess whether mediation is suitable for your circumstances and to talk through alternatives when it is not the right fit, so you can still move forward with clarity and appropriate support.​
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Take the Quiz: Is Mediation is Right for You to learn more.
Professional Experience in Family Law and Mediation
I have practiced family law for more than 20 years and have worked extensively with separating couples in Victoria and across BC. Over that time, I have supported families through court proceedings, lawyer-to-lawyer negotiations, and mediation. I have seen how separation agreements succeed and where they tend to break down.
That experience shapes how I approach mediation and how I draft separation agreements. I understand which conversations matter most, where misunderstandings commonly arise, and how careful drafting can prevent future conflict. My goal is to help you create a separation agreement that reflects your shared intentions, works in real life, and provides clarity and stability as you move forward.
What are the Next Steps?
If you are married, a separation agreement is often the foundation for the divorce process. Learning how the divorce process works in BC can help you understand how these steps fit together.
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You do not need to have a plan before you start. Many couples come to mediation with uncertainty or unresolved issues. Learn more about how the mediation process can help you work through those questions together and create a clear, workable plan for the future.